Unbelievable!!!!!

 It is my hardest time in my life.

But how can I believe, God is sending the most important person to my life!

I was always pray for it, but not really seriously keep praying for. 

The only thing I know is I almost have no strength to wait. My life is way too hard, and I refuse to use the world to fill me, it also can not. I eager someone who can be with me and know me deepest in my life, not cultural people but a God centered people. God was listening my prayer, and it may will happen soon!

And I refuse to get married late. He always know me, what I need, not that, he call my heart to want what He want, and what he give me is His will.

I can't believe it. Brandon, the best guy in InterVasity. I was thinking, if angle of God come to my dream and said to me: Rachel, you have to get marry with one guy in IV, or you gonna die, " Brandon is the only answer to it. Because I always have my high standard of faith for my man, and I will never make it low.

God listened every single word I prayed, I can't want a man who kissed or had sex with other woman, even in a relationship. Not because Im sick, I want to be only one, and all intimate relationships are influencing spiritually, left a lot mess, much more than people thought. He is perfect. God is perfect, what else I can say, praise lol

And I always want to be a missionary wife. I was thinking this is what God called me and this is my life

 If I ever want to find a man, it have to be God centered, and always strive himself towards God, and a lot. But knowing and spreading God's love, instead of a teacher of law. He is the perfect one who meet my standard. I didn't see which one he didn't meet. People don't see his good because they suck. I saw his heart being a missionary, doing ministry for God, I know his faith. But I don't know why I didn't pay attention to him before. 

After IV getting more people, it is much more cultural than those faithful lovely senior students group. Sometime I do worry about him getting influenced by crazy culture and young friends among him. But God knows my worry, nothing to worry on my own. They don't know how good his faith is, made me annoying, but maybe that's how God leave him for me.

I didn't even realize when Brandon starts to walk in my heart, maybe the time when I sort of realize he likes me? He looked at me a lot. 

And this time, my crush for him is not like anytime else, before I had stupid crush just because life is too bitter—or perhaps it's just hormones. This time is, I like him, I didn't overthinking, I prayed a lot. I never prayed that much for a guy I like. Most things I pray is, God, please make your will be done if your hand want to match us together. 

When one time I prayed, he text me actively asked me to study, even I mentioned before its yesterday, I still so glad, in that day I gave my control of my day completely to God and trust his plan. And I shared my testimony during rest time.

wowwwww

I thank God the most, because the only thing happen, is because he trust me enough to send me his beloved son to me, OHHHHHHHH. I know maybe there is one day, but I don't know it's happening maybe now!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I was always thinking, who is the lucky guy God will give me to him? Is it him? And I know I will be a reward to a man always serving God and made he favored.

Everything is in His hand. Everything. What else should I do? not overthinking, trust him, thanks him forever, and walk with him, humble myself. Knowing that if in the end God actually brings us together, Brandon won't be actually mine person, but always God's son. 

But now, I don't even know when I realize it's actually starts to happens, at the beginning it's a scary thoughts in my mind that maybe it's Brandon. When he really care about me in my hardest time. That's all I want.

I still can't believe how amazing God's hand working, send me a person in my hardest time. Because what I was thinking, is I have to be at peak of my form to earn a man. Compare to God's will mine is nothing but funny lol

Thank God he is older than me. It doesn't matter, but I just want to rely on a man

Now Im just pray, not overthinking which I liked , calm myself down, don't be overly enthusiastic and waiting for his move. Praying for it.

—— editing at April 29,2026: everything is my fantasy and it is a total joke, 

Im tired of everything

suck

at least I saw all red flag of him and know the truth. 

At least not making this lie in front of me, saying that God call you to be single forever. That's insulting me